All across Canada we have been seeing commercials with just this logo since right after Christmas.

I’m pretty proud of this campaign and I’m pretty proud of the company promoting it’s label.

Why you ask?

1. Because it’s being promoted by one of our oldest and dearest company’s of my country Canada. And that company is Bell Canada.



2. Because they are supporting a truly worthy cause. A cause that I suffer from daily and recently I’m sad to report my oldest daughter is now batteling from 😦

And that is mental health disorders, sadly this is the disease that you don’t always physically see and is often hidden by us with this disease because we are ashamed and sadly because that is what society has taught us is the way to deal with it.

Today, January 28th, 2014, I ask  my fellow Canadian’s, American’s and my blogging friends,  please, please join me and LET”S TALK,,let’s get the word out there, let us let people know that we are suffering, and that we are people that just need to be heard and listened too and above all that we can be helped we just need a little more support and a little more understanding.

That is all we ask for.

Here is how we can do this.

In Canada with this LET’S TALK inititive it’s easy with every text message, every mobile/long distance call made, tweet with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk,and every Facebook share with the Let’s Talk Image is done 5 cent’s will be donated. I don’t know about you but that’s alot of money that can be raised. You don’t have to be a Bell subscriber,,so please, please do it.

In America,,please donate to your local mental health society’s , your hospital’s, suicide prevention centres etc.

And my blogging community please reblog this post and other’s supporting our disease and our cause.

Here are some commercial’s from my cause, these truly show how I feel when I’m feeling at my worst.

You want to go to work, you need to be at work, people are counting on you to be at work,,BUT YOU JUST CAN’T DO IT. The result is you feel guilty, ashamed and just horrible.

You feel you have no friends, you feel alone, and unloved. Even tho your friends are there and trying to reach out to you. You still feel unworthy, useless and alone.

There’s a lot of french in this one but it’s worth the watch and  listen too: 

Yes, even some of your country’s treasure’s, people that you would never ever think suffer from depression. It is truly a silent disease.


Please my friends, if it’s the only thing I ever ask, please hear us and support us.

Thank you, xo






Hanging by a thread.

I’m not ok.

I have been fighting this stupid anxiety and depression for weeks and I am loosing this battle.

I don’t want to leave the apartment, I want to stay in bed.

I did this yesterday as I was physically sick. I told myself and work that it was the flu.

I lied to myself, it’s just this stupid thing in my mind.

I will go to work to day not because I want to but because I have to. I need to pay the rent and put food in the cupboards. I’m basically buying food for my child to eat because the thought of eating makes me feel sick I have no interest in it. In fact I find no interest in anything, I find no joy in anything. I am loosing weight at a quick rate, I have pain in  my bones and my body I don’t feel 43 I feel 63.

Even when I am at work i’m not there. I’m there physically but in my mind I am seeing everyone thru another’s eyes. I put on a smile and be someone that I’m not.

I feel lonely, unloveable, sad, I’m getting angry at the littlest things people say or do. I feel pain and I feel like a burden to people, I feel like people don’t believe me. The feelings of paranoia are back and everyone is out to get me. I’m like Eoyere the donkey from Winnie the Pooh always a downer, not seeing the brighter side of things.

I find myself thinking that maybe it would be better for all around myself to just stop this pain.

I won’t tho, don’t worry. I can’t. I would never to this to my children or  what few friends I still do have and not pushed away.

I’m just tired, i’m tired of it all. I want to feel normal. I want to feel joy, laughter and love again.

At least the sun is shining today. Maybe there is hope?


Making Decisions best for myself.

It really is hard for me too make decisions that are best for myself. I’m used to trying to please everyone else.

I bring this up because I have decided that I need to drop out of my College course I am enrolled in right now. I just simply can not continue to work until 1am five nights a week and get up at 7 to go to school until 1pm to be back to work for 4pm and do it all again.

People can’t understand why I have made this decision. These people don’t understand that I have to pay the rent and put food on the table. They also don’t understand that a person that suffers from depression finds it harder to wake up and drag themselves around being sleep deprived. Being tired makes me physically sick and we won’t even go into how it affects me mentally.

Yes, there was only 3 months left, but there was also the practicum part still to do, how would I add that to the mix as well? Plus, I have observed many past students that have graduated from this course and not one of them has yet to find employment in this field

Yes, I have to pay back the student loan, without getting a the diploma and I am ok with that. It’s my decison. I do still have my dental assisting diploma and I will continue to look for a job in that field as a receptionist,,it may take a bit longer to find, but it will come.

It’s a decision that I have made that is best for myself at this time.

I unfriended a good friend that I “thought” was a best friend and understood my struggles with depression. I ended the friendship today because she had the audacity to tell me to get over my excuse of depression. Depression is not a excuse, I didn’t ask to have it, unfortunately it runs in my family, I didn’t ask to inherit it  either.

So I guess I made 2 decisions today that are for best for myself today.Why can’t people understand that?

It’s a beautiful day in “my” neighbourhood

South Simcoe Police are looking for the public’s help in locating a missing Innisfil man, who is believed to be armed with a gun. Police say 37 year old Clifton Goodyear disappeared on Wednesday, after he recently ended a relationship and there are concerns about his mental health. Huronia West OPP found Goodyear’s vehicle abandoned on the 3rd Concession of Sunnidale in Clearview Township and police are still searching the area for the man’s whereabouts. Goodyear is described as white, 5’8”, 180 lbs., with brown hair and a brownish red beard. He was wearing dark coloured track pants, t-shirt and baseball hat, but he also has “Jax” tattooed on his left forearm. Police say if anyone locates Goodyear, they should not approach him and call 9-1-1 instead. – Kool fm News
This is what’s been going down on my street since Wednesday night.
And we just found out the NEWS on the drive in what was going on.
We have been inundated with tons of cop cars, SWAT, helicopters, search dogs etc since Wednesday night.
At NO time has any of the people that live on this street been notified that this individual is on the loose. I finally called the OPP (Ontario Provincial Police) and asked what was going on and was told that they couldn’t tell me,,,but to lock all windows, including screens and to leave our outside lights on.
To say that our little community is “pissed” about the way this is being handled is putting it lightly. We live on a rural road, surrounded by corn fields and bush. Our children are dropped off on this road by school buses,,,they have to walk to their farms long distances most of them alone or with younger siblings.
For the police to NOT at least notify one resident so that we can let other neighbours so we can make sure the children are accompanied by a adult or even picked up at school.
I hope that this man is found safe and sound.
But I also hope that we have a town meeting with the local authorities on how something like this can be better taken care of next time.
So what’s going on in your neighbourhood?

I hate this feeling

I can feel the depression,,,,it’s rearing it’s ugly head again.

I hate this feeling, I hate having to battle against it.

I hate having to struggle to get myself up and force myself to start my day.

I hate having to put on a happy face and act like everything is ok.

I hate the feeling of not feeling secure enough to actually answer when someone asks me how I’m feeling, with “you know what I’m feeling really sad and down today and I have no actual reason as to why”?

Because,,,people will judge me and think i’m crazy.

Especially at school around my peers,,after all, I can’t let them see this side of me,,,because I may have to actually work with one or maybe more of them in the future. And,,,who will hire someone with a mental illness,,,right???

We are scary, crazy, nuts, unreliable and not worth the trouble.

And that makes me even more sad.

Have a good day all,,,,I’m off to go put my happy face on and just try to make it thru my public part of the day until I can go home and cry.