Injustice and abuse. *Warning this could trigger some*

This  is a story about a little girl. A girl that should have always known her parent’s love from the day of conception and birth. Instead she was brought into this world knowing only neglect, resentment and abuse.

The girls father speaks about the neglect of the little girl by her mother. He remembers days when he would leave for work making sure the the little girl had a clean diaper, clean clothes on and have having a full bottle of milk in her belly before he put her back to her crib.

He comes home from work 10 hours later to find the little girl still in the crib, in the same diaper that is now full and leaking, and to empty bottles all around the girl.

Was the mother suffering from post postpartum depression? Why wasn’t something done?

The young parent’s fight. The mother blames the little girl. If she hadn’t been born, the mother would have her freedom.

The mother leaves the little girl with “friends” while the father is working, so she can get out.

One of the “friends” sexually molests the little girl who is now 2. The “friend” feels guilty and tells on himself, he turns his self into the police. He is given a small sentence and community service.

The mother blames the little girl.

The mother cheats on the little girls father and get’s pregnant.  The “other man”, finds out, and moves away. The mother who is desperately in “love” with the other man leaves the little girls father, taking the little girl to follow the “other” man who now tells the mother he wants nothing to do with her, the little girl or the baby on the way.

The mother blames the little girl, she hits her and calls her names. She tells her that she deserves nothing, no new clothes, no sweets, and no toys.

The mother moves to different states and the father can’t find his little girl. When the mother does call the father, she yells at the father and blames him for everything. She yells at him that he is a deadbeat and never sends money. The father can’t send money if she doesn’t tell where she is. This makes the mother more angry and she hangs up. It’s a cycle now.

The father moves on with his life and meets a new lady, they fall in love and get married. The little girls mother finds out and gets angry. She moves to Las Vegas to find the “other man”, she had now had her second baby it’s a little girl. The mother loves the second baby girl and showers her with love and attention. She hates the first little girl.

The father finds out that the little girl is living in Las Vegas a block from the strip. The police contact the father after the little girls school contact them with concerns about the little girl. The father gets on the first plane and goes to Las Vegas and shows up unannounced at the mother’s apartment. There is no furniture, and no food.

He spends a few days with his daughter, he stocks up the cupboards and the fridge with food. He buys his daughter clothes and toys. He gives the mother his address, his work information so that he can start paying his child support. The mother agrees to keep in touch and to visitations and holidays.

The father leaves to go back to his wife in another state. He leaves feeling good, he is happy that he will now regualarly see his daughter and contribute to her well being.

The mother leaves the next week. She leaves everything behind, all the food spoils, she leaves the little girls clothes and toys her father has bought her. She tells no one where she has gone too. The father only knows because the school contacts him that his child has not been attending.

The father is worried, he can’t find his daughter.

The mother calls 6 weeks later. She is in Illinois. Homeless, and living in a car with her 2 children. She demands the father come and get the child NOW.  Work won’t let the father leave for 5 days. He makes arrangements for his sister to drive from Missiouri in 2 days to get his child and keep her until the father and step mother can get there. The mother is angry, she wants rid of the child asap. The father calls the local authorities in illinois and asks for help thinking it may be best for her to be in care until he can get there. The authorities, tell him there is nothing against the law for the mother to live in the car with the children and nothing they can do.

The father’s sister gets to the child, 2 days later. And calls to tell the father that the child is severely sun burnt, dirty and full of lice but she has her and she is safe.

The father and stepmother arrive and get the child they bring her home.

The child exhibits “strange” behaviour. She is mean towards other children and breaks things constantly, she shows no remorse.

That’s ok, they will show her love, it will take time.

One morning the step mother observes the little girl performing sexual acts on the family cat, she calls her husband right away and they inform the authorities. Sadly, it is found out that the mother and the the mother’s boyfriend have been sexually abusing the little girl.

In therapy, it is learned that it’s not just sexual abuse, but extreme mental and physical abuse.

The father and step mother go to court. They get full emergency custody, until the mother can come to court.

They don’t expect the mother to show up in court. But she does AND she brings the “boyfriend” as well. She tells the judge that it is all the father’s fault and the little girls fault. She deserved it, the mother tells the court that she sold all of the child’s stuff because why should the father have it?

The mother announces in court that she has now married the boyfriend, even though she  knows that there is charges against him for child sexual abuse. She also announces that she is now pregnant with her 3rd child and they a gloriously happy.

The court terminates her parental rights. She leaves the state vowing to make the father and stepmother pay.

The court advises the father to pursue charges against the boyfriend in the state that the mother and boyfriend live in.

The boyfriend gets away with it all, because he refuses to take a lie detector test. Also because the little girl has a full blown nervous breakdown and ends up spending the next 2 years in and out of mental health facilities.

The strain of the child and her mental health problems is a big strain on the father’s and new wife’s marriage. The father goes into a deep depression. He works all night, and sleeps all day until a half hour before work starts. Leaving the step mother to deal with his child. He goes to the family therapy counselling, says what the therapist wants to hear and as soon as he leaves the office goes back to sleep. It all goes in one ear and out the other.

The step mother is stressed, she is lonely, sad and angry. She fears for the little girl and her future, she begs her husband to tune in and be a part of the little girls life, she needs her dad. The father gets angry and hits the step mother.

That’s enough.

She’s had enough.

It’s done.

She goes to work, tells her boss what has happened.

She waits until Friday.

She waits until he leaves for work.

She packs all she can in the car.

She goes to work and gets her last pay. Her boss has paid her in cash.

She gets in the car.

She drives over the border and back to her home country.

She starts her life over.

**I haven’t spoken about my past here yet. This is a post about my step daughter. I felt that it should be told, one because it is a kind of therapy for myself to finally write it out. But also, to show how the system also failed a little child. The boyfriend and mother got away with it all because the child had a mental breakdown and her statements would not hold up in court we were told.

Outing Eric Robillard, Le Clown, The Magnificent – the predator with the red nose.

You know when you feel something just isn’t right about someone? I had this feeling about Le Clown and just couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
I am reblogging this as a warning to people, to be very careful of who you trust in the web world, especially people who hide behind masks or in this case makeup.

"As For Me, I am a watercolor

le clown admits

In the not so distant past, I was invited to write a story for Black Box Warnings. It was more of a cross-emailing going on – I’d approached Le Clown first and in his reply, explained that Jen had already spoken to him about me. I was ecstatic. I started blogging a few months ago for one purpose: to get my writing hand back in shape in order to begin the grueling process of writing my memoir about growing up under the fist of a sexually abusive, narcissistic sociopathic mother, and then my life with a drug addicted and drug trafficking father whom I didn’t know until I was almost 16. Up until almost a year ago, I’ve only written and published poetry. My declarations were always hidden behind metaphors.  After I publicly outed my mother on a blog created specifically to house her outing which ultimately went viral…

View original post 2,172 more words

Dear Diary:

Dear Diary:

Well, it’s been a week and 2 days since I left the narcissistic asshole.

And even tho I’m pretty sure that this couch I’m sleeping on every night has fleas, I’m thankful for it. It’s in a warm place without narcissistic manipulation and  I’m still glad I left. Over this last week I have learned how to take the new bus service from where I’m staying to the “bigger” city to school every day and it’s actually not at all that bad, hey I even get to sleep in an hour and a half later every morning!

I have been spending quality time with my 2 girls. Today was little C’s bday she turned 15, we went to the mall and I bought her some Anime season she wanted, we then went to dinner at Kelsey’s and enjoyed watching sports and even playing some:

Nothing like coaster hockey!

Nothing like coaster hockey!

Don't listen to what anyone says,,I kicked ass at this game.
Don’t listen to what anyone says,,I kicked ass at this game.

Later in the evening we went to little C’s hockey game and her team won 4-1! Yaaayyy.

I’m not going to lie Diary, I had a few relapse moments this week when I missed, and even contemplated going back to the asshat, but that was quickly squashed when I had to ask him to drop off my winter coat because winter dropped unexpectedly early on us this year. He quickly started his ways of manipulating and turning everything around  on me and making me feel that I’m the crazy one.

I’m not going back. I’m not even going to speak to him or have contact with him until the day of my move. That will be the EXACT last day that I will ever, ever speak or lay eyes on him again. I won’t tell him that, I won’t fall into his trap, and I won’t get down to his level EVER again. I will simply disappear, it will be like I never existed in his life. He probably won’t even notice.

  • Unfortunately, because I am a normal, rational, mentally stable, good person it will take me a good long time to forget these past 9 months. It will take me time to heal and to trust another person and in fact  men again, for a very, very long time.

I’m scared.

But not for the old reasons, these are new scary feelings. I’m scared and excited for the next part of my life. I’m excited for it, but scared. I have lots of anxiety over it, I’m worried about so many things, what if the money runs out before I find a second job, what if I don’t have money for food, I’m worried about Christmas, how will I give my girls a nice good Christmas if I don’t get a second job right away.

I’m also worried that I’m having these anxietys and it’s only the end of Oct. We haven’t even had Halloween for heaven’s sake. I’m worried about spiraling back into the black hole of depression again.

  • But,I have also noticed some good things.

I have noticed that I am not eating as much food and food crap and drinking much more water. I’m going to venture onto the weight scale tomorrow and hopefully confirm a weight loss.

I’m not drinking alcohol even 1/4 as much as I was with the ex. I totally now think that the ex is a alcoholic.

I’m walking more to the bus stops, from bus stops, to work from school etc. The exercised feels great, I forgot how much a good walk is.

I find myself not sleeping as much,,,mostly because the kids cats decide that 1am is a acceptable time to run around the house and play and meow for food. And the dog thinks around 3 am is a acceptable  time to go out for a pee and, then once back in she decides it’s time to do god knows what to her genital area, but it sure sounds like lick smacking goodness for her.

It’s also good that I have recognized that I am having these feelings and it may be time for me to make a trip to the doc and get a prescription for some anxiety meds. I know it’s ok to ask for help for this to get me thru this time.

I have to stay on this itchy, couch for 3 more weeks diary, they are going to be long itchy, scabie ones but that’s ok,,,I will buy some calamine lotion and Benadryl and get thru this, I have gotten this far and I am stronger for it, it can only get better.

Till next time Dear Diary,,,

love: your friend me.

 

 

Better day’s :)

Good morning all:

It’s a sunny beautiful morning up here in Ontario, Canada, and probably the last hot one that we will have this year.

I’m feeling so much better today since I posted my list.

I feel good with my decisions and now just have to sit back and wait patiently for everything to fall into place.

In the meantime, I’m finding it rather hard to not do things that I know piss off “the man” I think that’s what he shall now be referred to as, lol.

For instance,,,last night,,,I spent a few hours playing Bingo Blitz on Facebook on my iPhone. (I simply lurv that game),,,for me it was some enjoyable fun. For him,,,excruciating pain of not knowing what I am doing. He finally asked me if I was going to be on “that” phone all night. I simply smiled and said I’m playing bingo,,,,it’s fun,,,wanna see?

I also found myself doing things like,,,simply smiling and saying mmhmmm,,when he tried to start a fight,,,I’m not caving in.

I have decided that when I am finally moved out and away from him, that I am going to email my list to a close friend that we both have because I know he will bad mouth me, I know that they will take his side and that’s ok,,but I will feel better just letting them have a looksie of what I have endured over these last months.

Thank god, that I haven’t been with this man for years and years like some people have endured and this will all be behind me soon.

However, I am not leaving unscared. I will not be entertaining in any kind of romantic relationship for a very long time. It’s going to be all about me for the time being.

meP.S. I went to the dr. yesterday about my hands. I still don’t know what’s wrong,,the dr. just gave me some samples of Lyrica,,and said to see if these work. I went to take the second pill this morning and noticed that the samples were expired,,,,sigh,,,now I have to call and get a prescription……upside,,,they seem to maybe be working, my hands feel a bit better this morning. We shall see how the day progresses.

The decision is made. I will be moving out by Oct.

I don’t have alot of time to post but let’s just say that the “final straw has broken the camel’s back”.

Basically, we had another argument. One that for most couples shouldn’t have been much and a apology would of fixed it all. Instead, I was treated like a child  and made to feel worthless and about 1cm tall. It also included him telling me to leave the house if I was going to raise my voice at him. And when I told him how he was making me feel he once again thru out the “then get out,,,leave, move out” statement.

This is the 4th time he has said it within a month.

He denied that he said it the last 3 times,,,,,I begrudgingly gave him the benefit of the doubt,,because he had been drinking.

Not this time,,,we had just got home from school and work. He had not been drinking. He said it,,and he knows it.

I told him I will be out in October,,,he didn’t respond,,,,he’s acting now like nothing is wrong.

He never apologized.

Don’t worry,,he’s not a physical abuser,,,just a mental one.

I am strong,,and I won’t be taking it much longer. I just need the money and a job.

I will post the details of what happened,,,when I can over the weekend.

I now have a mission. And,,,,I shall not fail.