Dear: Miss Alice

Dearest Miss Goodie Two Shoes Alice:

Just who do you think you are?

I mean like reeaallyyy???

What makes you think that you EVER EVEN had a chance with Blunt Life Coach???

Just take a look at you:

I despise you.

I despise you.

I hate your stupid little frew frew dress and your white girlie nylons with those teenie tiny little patent leather girl school shoes. With your always seemingly perfect coiffed long blonde hair, pulled demurely back with a alluring black headband.

YOU and your beautiful alabaster white flawless skin and those big blue doe eyes……..uggghhhh,,,you make me want to hurl my short bread cookies.

MOST would think that you would be a Storm Trooper’s dream for a mate.

But I see thru that farce!!!!!!! I know just what kind of trashy, sick twisted character YOU are!!!!

I know what makes this BLC purr.

I know what makes this BLC purr, and it’s not you Alice.

BLC does not like your type.

He does NOT like tea parties, with fat little twin boys with helicopter wings. He does not get a kick out of splitting scones with mad hatters.

He has no time to look thru little tiny key holes. Nor does he have time for little vixens of your sort that stupidly drink from randomly left medicinal bottles with lord knows what is inside of them.

NO,,what BLC “needs” is someone like ME!

Someone with experience, a worldly magical woman like ME!

Someone who can take charge both of her man and her many charges, I mean children.

Someone who can teach valuable lessons with a magical touch. Someone that is practically perfect in every way, someone with grace and elegance. Some say that I am very vain and selfish but those traits immensely turn on my BLC. He says the things I can do with an umbrella make it seem like we are flying!

Sooo,,,little Miss Alice take my warnings advice and your crazy cat and chase that fictional white bunny of yours down a long dusty hole.

BLC is MINE,,,Biotch!!!

And, you best be not showing your lily-white ass down #17 Cherry Tree Lane any time soon, Or you KNOW I will be taking you down!






19 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: A Question for the Maphia | Stuphblog
  2. Twindaddy
    Sep 11, 2013 @ 13:22:35

    Over It,
    While I share your disdain for Alice I must ask…What makes you think you understand me?
    Blunt Life Coach


  3. aliceatwonderland
    Sep 11, 2013 @ 13:42:21

    Miss Poppins,

    You are welcome to him. We broke up. I am now dating HK-47. He is a robot and will do anything I want. Nanner.


    P.S. You are, like, so jealous. Have a spoonful of sugar!


  4. El Guapo
    Sep 11, 2013 @ 14:16:13

    One good gust of wind and Mary is done.
    I’ve got $20 on Alice.

    (Oh, and who the hell is Alice??? (clean version.))


  5. merbear74
    Sep 11, 2013 @ 15:28:44

    You go girl!!


  6. Claudia Bette
    Sep 11, 2013 @ 15:49:12

    OH this should be fun..where is the popcorn!


  7. Trackback: Oh puhleeze! | Is the Coffee ready yet?!
  8. djmatticus
    Sep 11, 2013 @ 18:15:09

    I’m not sure… Alice took down the Jabberwocky. Mary is good at getting kids to behave. It does seem like Alice should be able to take this fight.


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